Imagine a world where the invisible labor of adult daughters is finally seen, valued, and celebrated. Written by communication expert Allison M. Alford, PhD, her new book, GOOD DAUGHTERING: The Work You’ve Always Done, the Credit You’ve Never Gotten, and How to Finally Feel Like Enough (On Sale: February 17, 2026), shines a light on the emotional, mental, and relational labor that sustains families, and offers women the groundbreaking tools to reclaim their agency, redefine their roles, and create healthier, more fulfilling family connections.
For far too long, the work of daughters has gone unnoticed. They call, they plan, they soothe, they hold families together—and yet, they often go to sleep each night wondering if it’s enough. Allison’s ten years of research and hundreds of interviews finally reveal a truth that’s been hiding in plain sight: daughtering is hard work and it’s time we had the language to talk about it.
GOOD DAUGHTERING is a compassionate and transformative guide for women navigating the “messy middle” of family dynamics. Packed with practical tools like checklists, writing prompts, and scripts for difficult conversations, this book empowers daughters to set boundaries, improve communication, and manage their emotional resources. Allison also introduces innovative strategies and provides actionable advice to help women balance their roles without losing themselves.
But frankly, this isn’t just a book about personal growth—it’s a cultural call to action. Conversations around the #eldestdaughter phenomenon are gaining momentum on social media and GOOD DAUGHTERING is poised to become a cornerstone of this cultural shift. By validating the feelings of burnout, frustration, and resentment that often accompany the role of daughtering, Allison connects individual experiences to a broader societal conversation about gender, family, and invisible labor. She challenges readers to see daughtering not as a burden, but as an active performance they can shape, empowering them to demand the gratitude and balance they deserve.
I had a chance to interview Allison to learn more.
How would you describe the “work” of good daughtering that often goes unseen in families?
Good daughtering is the quiet, behind-the-scenes work many women do in their family without realizing it counts as work at all. It’s remembering everything, worrying ahead of time, smoothing things over, and being the emotional “go-to” in your family. It’s the phone calls and event planning, and preventing arguments over stuff that would make everyone upset. It’s the mental load of checking in, anticipating needs, keeping relationships running, and carrying feelings that aren’t even yours. Most of this doesn’t show up on a to-do list, but it takes real time and energy. And more adult daughters are doing this work while also juggling their careers, partners, and kids. That’s why so many moms feel tired even when they’re not “doing” anything obvious. They’re doing emotional work that no one else sees. While you might have heard of the mental and emotional load where it comes to marriage, motherhood, and your own household, many women are unaware of how much they give to their extended families, too.
What’s one piece of practical advice readers might be nervous to try?
Try saying a small boundary out loud. Even if it’s just to yourself at first. Think of something you don’t want to do anymore and then say out loud that you are going to stop doing it. It’s like a verbal commitment to yourself. Many women worry that setting limits with a parent will seem selfish or unkind. But you can start by practicing the words in your own space. Maybe say to out loud in your closet something like: “I can help this weekend, Dad, but not during the week.” While it may feel a little silly talking to an empty room, saying your decision out loud helps your brain believe it’s allowed. You don’t have to be dramatic about it or get the words perfectly right, but speaking them will create the boundary into existence. Small, clear boundaries are one of the best ways to protect your energy, especially when so much of it is already going toward caring for young kids.
What’s the biggest shift you hope readers make in how they think about being a daughter?
I want women to understand that being a “good daughter” does not mean always putting themselves last.
So many women learn early in life that love equals sacrifice. And while that can be true some of the time, it’s not a sustainable paradigm to go through a long life with. Especially when you’re raising kids, you see that mindset becomes exhausting fast. Instead, think of it this way: You can care deeply about your parents and care about yourself. Being a good daughter doesn’t mean doing everything, fixing everything, or carrying everything. This small but important shift is realizing that your worth isn’t measured by how much you give. Healthy daughtering includes limits, rest, and recognizing that you matter too—not just as a mom, but as a person.
Dr. Allison Alford is a clinical associate professor in the Department of Information Systems and Business Analytics. She holds a PhD in Communication Studies with a concentration in Interpersonal Communication from The University of Texas at Austin. Alford has 20 years’ experience teaching university courses and her specialties are value propositions, conflict resolution techniques, teamwork, meeting facilitation and people-skills for leaders. Alford is active in the Association for Business Communication and National Communication Association.
Alford owns and operates the coaching and consulting firm, Good Talk Communication Consulting. As a communication coach, Alford has worked with professionals and MBA students in the fields of engineering, tech, publishing, human resources, sales, finance and more. She believes anyone can improve their communication skills with effort and energy.
Alford’s research and publications are focused on the topics of women, adult daughtering, work-family balance, and invisible labor.
You can check out more of Allison’s content on her Instagram, as well as her essay for Oprah Daily about how daughters can successfully survive the holidays: https://www.oprahdaily.com/
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